Millennial Dating is...
...A TOTAL F*CKING DRAB!
I mean seriously? I think today men have this notion that women are significantly more fragile than we really are. There's a general perception that if someone is in touch with their emotions, then they must be weak. However, I believe that the more in touch with your feelings you are, the stronger you are. It's absolutely normal to develop feelings for someone you are intimate with. It's kind of a given. There's this deep and intense bonding moment that happens during intercourse and people have the tendency to downplay just how serious this feeling can be. These aren't the reasons I think dating in this generation is terrible though. Below is a short list of reasons and examples of why Millennial Dating is such a drab!
Reason #1: Social Media Stalking
This one has more to do with the idea that because of social media tools, you don't need to get to know someone you've just recently met in person. We use social media as a means to be lazy. On one hand, yes it is cool, but mostly it sucks. You're not going to get to know someone solely based on their Instagram pictures, Snapchat stories and Facebook walls. Those tools definitely aid in the process but it ruins the fun part of dating someone. The getting to know them. You can come up with so many preconceived notions from their social media profiles.
Let's say you go on a date with someone and the date initially goes very well. You go on a couple more dates, and then it randomly fizzles out. You haven't spoken for a few days, but everyday he's watched your Instagram and/or Snapchat story. Uhhhh? Hello? Johnny? Why are you watching me, but being weird and not speaking to me? Humans can be very possessive creatures. Men in particular, especially about their women. He may not be outwardly possessive, but he probably still has a tendency to watch you and "keep tabs" to make sure no one else is around you. Whether he shares that information with you, or not. The watching is one of the reasons it sucks. I think it's better that I didn't know you were watching me the whole time. Before social media, you just had to wonder if the person was thinking about you. Now, you know that the person is thinking about you. Clearly, because they decided to watch your story. The silence after watching the story is what annoys me though. It's like oh, okay you got your fix and daily dose of said person and now you don't need to actually speak to them.
Excuse me sir, but, believe it not, I would actually prefer it if you didn't watch me at all. It's weird. If you want to see the person or speak to them, just actually do it. Don't watch their social media like a creep and then have nothing to say. I think something that's often misunderstood is the beauty of complete silence. If you are going to want things to be casual, it's better to stay away more often then not. In more ways than one. Communicating every day while you're not close enough to do anything about it, but disappearing when you finally are, is incredibly lame and tiring. There's no reason to communicate all the time if you're going to one day out of the blue decide it's no longer something you're interested in doing.
Reason #2: Devilish Dating Apps
Okay so let's just cut down to the chase. Generally, no one is looking for love when they get on dating apps like: Tindr, Bumble, SoulSwipe, OKCupid, and others alike. However, guys, and from what I've heard, some women, still think obnoxiously crude messages are the way to get you in bed. I'm not saying you have to be Rico Suave and send sexually and intellectually stimulating messages, but damn. Can you guys at least start with "hi" and some lighter language please? There's a way to get what you want by being direct. Without all the extra vulgarity that some of ya'll like to sprinkle on top.
You've matched on an app (whichever you prefer the most) and have decided to meet in person for a little tête-à-tête and perhaps, if you're both feeling frisky enough, a little bump and grind. Let's pause here for a moment. Dear Fellas: Did it ever cross your mind that quite possibly, it was her lady parts tingling, that made her want to get on said app? Maybe, just maybe, she only wants you for sexual purposes? If not, that's okay. That's understandable. It's still a relatively new concept for you guys. Earth to Scott, this is Earth to Scott: Women like to have casual sex. It's not as far fetched as you seem to think it is. What we don't like, is men who blur the lines of casual because they have an emotional void they need to fill. Casual is much better when we don't really speak often. You know the talking every day, and sending "I miss you" text messages, save that shit for the girl you actually care about. None of that is necessary in a casual relationship that is not expected to go anywhere. I mean you didn't seriously think that after meeting on a dating app and having sex two days later was going to make her sing wedding bells right?
*This isn't to say that relationships that started via dating apps are impossible and or loveless. Just a general observation and I think overall understanding about the nature of what the relationship is going to be. It's not impossible to find love on a dating app, but I don't think it's generally the end goal. Besides, love is best found when you're not looking for it, and it comes and smacks you in the face.*
I'm saying all of this to say, it's possible to be a gentleman about your intentions without giving the wrong idea. You don't have to be a slimy little skeezeball about it. It's almost as if men think that being polite and decent will make the person fall head over heels - so they just decide to be vulgar little snots instead. When in reality, it's just nicer to be treated like a human being, with decency and respect. No matter how little or often you are sleeping together.
Reason #3: False Idolization & Entitlement
This ideology that seems to have its roots in, egotistical superiority, is dangerous AF and super unhinged. The trend and expectation to "Flex on the Gram" and other social media sites baffles me to no end. Why is this even a thing? There's this made up woman that so many men are after, and vice versa.
The real problem that I have is that men and women alike, are both creating fantasy partners. Based on false appearances, ego, and greed. The misguided ass sense of entitlement that people then feel, based on what they know from your social media. So many people swear up and down they know someone, solely based on their social media posts. They then make a point to interact with the person, based on those thoughts, with no regard for the other parts that make up the person their looking at. It saddens me that there are people who feel the need to flaunt material and designer bullshxt, just to make themselves feel better about who they are as a person, and where they are in life. We have this tendency to over-glorify meaningless and small accomplishments, that really aren't accomplishments at all. They're apart of life. They are expectations of human beings as we age. Hyping up your parenting skills because you bought your growing child a $300 fit, while your bills are barely paid and you asking for outside help, isn't cool, or acceptable. It's flagrantly irresponsible. It isn't going to teach your child to value the right things. I think we put a very high value on material and monetary things when our profile is STRICTLY flexing. It means that you solely care to flex. The image that you want is that you're always doing good. While that's admirable in some ways, it's just plain ignorant in others. It's okay to be going through a tough time. Sometimes it baffles me how people, can have no problem spending thousands of dollars on clothes and material things, but be okay with piss poor living conditions, dating expectations, and mediocre parenting.
There's a certain type of "notoriety" that seems to come with this new age of social media and it is constantly conflated with love and desire. Hi! Earth to Scotty, again. Undervaluing a woman or a man because you glorify a culture that's toxic and detrimental to the so called "love" you're chasing, is not cool. You don't get any extra points for it either. Chasing after men (and women), solely for their money and your own personal gain, is incredibly wack. You're not going to get any of the "love" you want if you're looking for it in lusty ass IG posts and Snapchats.
The glorification of unhealthy behaviors has GOT TO STOP.
Why are we glorifying things that are inherently bad for you? The notion that it's okay for a guy or a woman to be disrespectful and treat you as less than decent is absurd. With regard to sex, yes, it is absolutely okay to want to just have sex because it's a primal instinct. What's not okay, is treating the person you're intimate with, as someone who is less than human. There are soooo many of us out there, capable and willing to practice the act of mating, that it doesn't make sense to stay bound to someone who makes you feel like shit. It also isn't cool to glorify that behavior. There's no sense of consciousness or humanity in it. Are we not conscious beings?
Being real and being honest is so underrated, it hurts.
If you want love, you have to fully love yourself. Or, you have some miracle happen and someone notices that you don't love yourself enough - because you may or may not know how to - so they help you learn how to love yourself more, and better.
Those are just a few reasons why I think dating in this generation, for the most part, sucks. There are definitely some exceptions though. Don't take this as a you shouldn't date and everyone in this generation sucks. More so as a, you should be more aware and conscious while dating - so that you're more thoughtful in your partner choice(s).