6 Reasons to Have More Than 1 Boyfriend

There’s 3 of you, but I only have 1 picture in my hands

So first off we need to break down what makes him a boyfriend.

If I refer to a man as my boyfriend, it’s because of one of the following reasons:

1. We go out together, whether it’s for food, drinks, adventures, etc.

2. We're sleeping together

3. We talk often

4. You’ve met my friends or vice versa

5. All of the above

And now that we have that part out of the way let’s get to the details because truly the devil is in the details. Humans have this innate desire to be loved and wanted by others and when you couple that with lust and sexual relations you get the acts of dating and mating. Just because he is my boyfriend, does not mean he’s my only boyfriend. The aged old problem in dating and mating is the assumption of monogamy that takes place. Generally speaking, it’s never safe to assume monogamy. It’s something that should be discussed and especially if one party is looking for exclusivity.

Being monogamous with your partner does not equate to treating them well. When you decide to be monogamous with a person it should be because they do exactly that, treat you well. My dad was an old school guy who was born in 1933 and I remember very vividly a conversation we had about dating, while he was on his deathbed. I was nearing 12 and finishing my first year of middle school. My then friends were starting to change and some of them were at the stage where they were going “boy crazy”. He told me in his stern yet gentle voice, “Ash, there are going to be a lot of boys in your life. You’re going to fall in and out of like, and they’re going to fall in like, and in love with you. You may even think you love them, but you’re probably just going to be in a deep like. It’s important to know the difference and keep in mind who makes you happy and is good for you”. I can’t say I understood the message then as clearly as I do now, at 28.

Years later at 16, my stepfather gave me similar advice. I had been under the impression that if I liked a boy, I was supposed to only give my time to that one boy. I learned that I was wrong. I returned home to Brooklyn one weekend, and while there I had a breakfast date with my stepdad. At breakfast, we talked about everything. It was our chance to get out of the apartment and bond. So as we sat at breakfast, I told him about my boyfriend and how much I liked him and his family. Little did I know my stepfather was going to give me another dating gem. He looked at me and said, “Don’t keep talking to me about this same boyfriend. I heard enough about him. You not supposed to only have 1 boyfriend. You better tell me about somebody new next time I see you”. I laughed and wrote it off as him just joking around because there was no way he was serious. I didn’t realize what he was telling me back then. I honestly didn’t even realize that it made sense to me until the second half of my 20’s.

In love as a teenager, I learned I can be jealous and greedily want affection. I was much more possessive in how I gave and received love. So the thought of more than 1 boyfriend was overwhelming. My definition of boyfriend as a teenager was also one that came with assumed monogamy. It certainly was not what it is today. Today I am much more free and generous with my love and affection because I realized I was doing myself a disservice by withholding affection from others, which then inadvertently trickled to me. At 28 I am a lot more forgiving because I had to learn how I want to be loved. You cannot give love to others and receive it if you are not listening to the love languages that are being spoken up by those involved. I do not assume monogamy while dating men, and I give myself the liberty to date multiple men at a time. If I choose to give my time to only one man, then that will be because that man and I have discussed exclusively spending time with one another in a mutual effort and intention to build a partnership.

So here’s why you should have more than one boyfriend:

1. Boyfriends are not serious (unless you say so).

2. They are for play; meaning you play house with them.

3. You should play as much as you want and with however many people you want.

4. You don’t want only one.

5. You can learn about what you do like and don’t like by dating multiple people.

6. All of the above

The secret key to having more than one boyfriend is to treat them all with respect, love, and kindness. The same things that you would want in return. Also to be safe and use protection, there are diseases outside, and not just the Ronas. Just because you have more than 1 boyfriend doesn’t mean you have to be sexually active with all of them. If you are who cares it’s your life, just be safe in these streets - and who knows you might just end up marrying one of them.