Love work and Distractions

Love Work and Distractions

I think sometimes we as humans tend to sell ourselves short. You know? To say that we don’t deserve a certain kind of love, based on the traumas we picked up through life. I use the term ‘pick up’ as a way to reflect that we experience trauma, and then pick it up to hold onto it throughout life or for a period of time. 

The love we think we deserve. It’s a pretty hackneyed phrase at this point. However, it’s still a practice that a lot of us find ourselves using in life. I spent almost 7 years of my life, forcing someone to love themselves and then love me. I learned a lot about myself in those 7 years and even more at the end. Looking back, it’s a lesson I was meant to learn. I had this idea that I could love people hard enough and teach them disciplines and they would, in turn, be a better version of themselves, and then love me. That’s something I first started as a kid. I had wanted so desperately in my teenage years to teach people to love themselves and be discipline, that I would get lost in their chaos, and forget about my disciplines and self-love journey.

There’s an idea in life that gets passed on and it’s that “you can fix someone by loving them”. That’s simply not true. The only someone you can fix is you. There is not a single soul on the planet that will be healed from you loving them if they are not ready to do the work they need to do for themselves. It’s an admirable quality, it just won’t get you the results you think. 

I learned that the hard way. Quite a few times, more than I’d like to admit. Looking back on things, I had this idea that I could build my perfect life and then help someone else out of darkness to build theirs. However, I didn’t want to completely leave my darkness. I toted around my traumas as if they were qualifications for my love work. I spent a lot of time playing on the shadow side of life. Not always exercising my best judgment and spending lavishly. Hypermania can lead you down quite the tumultuous path. I also used them as a reason for me to not be as vigilant in my self-love work. I would get consumed with the chaos and drama of their lives and distract myself from my grander purpose in life. I know that I am here to help others grow and be better humans. I also know that I cannot give myself to people in ways that are draining and not refilling. I am so generous with my love, and often. I tend to over-love if that’s even a thing. I used to inconvenience myself and take time away, important time, that I needed to be using to better my life. Sometimes I still do it, but with good self-reflection and action, I’ve gotten a lot better. I just had to reprioritize what I valued and loved. Easier said than done though. It’s hard work and it takes time but give yourself what you need to live a spiritually fulfilled life.

The words and love I was pouring into others, I needed to be pouring into myself. I was in a space where I didn’t want to face that I was carrying a bag of trauma I was afraid to let go of. I wanted to believe that I was supposed to have them with me because it made it easier to avoid doing work and being disciplined. 

I had a conversation with a friend of mine about growth and what we need to do as human beings to ensure that we are growing. We talked about how we have held onto people and their drama as a means to distract us. We even talked about engaging in sexual relationships to be distracted from getting to work. The importance of overcoming that poor habit to unlock and live our best lives. Everything we want is right in front of us, waiting for us to level up and grab it. Be your own greatest love and then watch your life level up and change before your eyes. Your relationships with others will develop and be better. Work on changing habits that no longer serve you. I hope this piece gives you the jolt you need to keep going. To keep doing the work. To keep showing up. And most importantly, to keep being you. You are special. You are everything. You deserve it all.